Anybody have any advice for me? I am in a bit of a dilemma and I'm not sure what to do about it. I have a "friend" who is a very important part of my life. We have fooled around in the past, but not much recently because her boyfriend moved in with her. My friend and I talk and or email/text each other every day (including 7 text messages while I've been writing this). Her boyfriend works nights, so I spend more time with her than he does. She is my closest friend; she's the one person who knows my secrets, my fears, my hopes, etc. We go out every week, just the two of us, on what most people would call "dates". All our friends can tell by the way we interact with each other and look at each other that something is up, we are more than just friends. Everybody who sees us together thinks we are a couple. Everybody sees it, including her boyfriend, who I wish I could say is an asshole, but he's not. He's a decent guy. My friend and I are both 31, and while not old, it is old enough to know better than to play games with each other. This situation has been going on for more than two years. For a long time I was trying to suppress my feelings for her because of her boyfriend. She gets jealous and catty when I show interest in other girls, but what am I supposed to do? She has a boyfriend, but doesn't want me to be with somebody. The dilemma basically comes down to this: I've realized that I really do love her want to be with her, but I can't be alone and wait forever for her to recognize what we already have and how much better it could be. I don't want to force the issue and mess things up to the point where she's not in my life anymore, but I also want her to realize that I can't go on like this indefinitely. Some people would say that I should just walk away. If I thought she didn't have feelings for me I would walk away. But I know she does and so I can't just let this slip away. What should I do? I just want to love her.
Sorry Zagres, I don't think Alexis works here anymore
In my opinion, you already know what you should do.
If it's so obvious to everyone, then surely it's obvious to her. Her continuation with boyfriends could signal that she just doesn't see something in you that way, despite playing together in many ways.
Too much contact, too much fun ???? maybe hard to see romance...I dunno shit, I'm just sayin'
If this is eating you up SO much, then you HAVE to do something about it, and it may hinder the friendship in the short time, but a true friendship should weather this.
If you do nothing, you will end up resenting yourself for the inaction and the friendship WILL suffer for this regardless. You will be left wondering what if......
At least that was my experience with a similar situation. I wish now, that I told her, where ever she is
Zagres, Im not Alexis but since she never answers any of the posts here you are stuck with any comments and advice the rest of us here in Erotville might have to offer...
I think it's simple really what you two need to do and that's to stop playing games, and discuss, as two adults how and what you feel for each other...
Communicate, Communicate, Communicate...that's the key...you say you realize you want her in your life, you love her etc...so tell her straight out and to the point, much as this post is doing..print this out if you can't find the words to say it out loud and let her read what you asked here...
Then it's her turn, what is it that she truly wants? She seems to want it all if what you say about her is true, she wants the guy she is living with, but she also wants you to stay free of any other romantic relationship but with her...well there comes a time when maybe she cant have it all or both of you...unless you and the boyfriend dont mind sharing her, so she may have to pick one or the other of you...it's not fair for her to be able to live with a guy and expect you to be at her beck and call, ...you should be out there finding a gal who wants a one of one relationship with you ..
So there's my two cents for what it's worth...you probably already made up your mind what you are planning on doing or not but here's at least one person's view of all this for what it's worth...good luck to you all.
Thank you Hungry and Rose. I appreciate your advice. You are both right, I do know what I want to do, and probably should do, but I wonder if I'm overthinking this. It helps to hear other people's experiences and get their opinions, especially if they don't know either of us and don't have a vested interest in the situation. Part of me wants to take the easy way out and just let things unfold, but another part of me thinks that will not get anything resolved and will just cause more pain and confusion in the long run. I'm wondering if I start dating other people maybe she'll realize that she can't have it both ways and some sort of conclusion will be reached either way.
And you're right about it being unfair for all of us. Her boyfriend doesn't like it; he and I have had a few conversations about the situation, but at the time I was trying to deny/suppress my feelings so I acted like she and I are just friends. But I don't think he bought it. I don't want to be a girlfriend-stealing asshole, but I guess I will if I have to.
your welcome.
just remember, although you may feel bad. There is NO such a thing as stealing. This woman will make HER choices as will you. If someone deems this as stealing that is THEIR problem. If this guy is such a good one, he would want what's best for her, in her mind, anyway.
I totally agree with what Rose stated. It is very unfair for her to think that it okay to have her boyfriend AND want you to remain single. You two definitely need to discuss it. If she doesn't want to leave her bf then she will just have to accept the fact that you are entitled to a life. And if she can't accept that, then that is her problem. If she wants you that bad, she could have you. I just hope that if she does chose her bf that this won't ruin your friendship that you do have. Good luck.
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